Everywhere I look i see two people....

8

 I don't know if I'm just pathetic or a piece of shit. But everywhere I look I see one of two people either I see Ukao or I see Temprace. Why is it two people I've loved in Arizona now don't want fucking thing with me. Am I really that bad of a person that neither okay or temperance won't even consider me. I mean I know I'm a piece of shit. Hell everywhere I look I remember times with temperance or with hookah. I love them both different ways. I loved temperance as my beloved slave and partner. I loved okay with total heart and soul and devotion but I failed both. The fact that both okay and temperance want nothing new with me should be a wake up call. Do I suck up the oxygen with good people when I am a horrible selfish abusive person. Both okay and tempers relied upon me to be a master character and I failed both of them. I wish I could get one person to kill me. Because I'm too chicken to actually take my life. Yeah I'm a leather master and BDSM master I've been presenting my cover I wear my hat with pride but at the end of the day temperance and ukai I failed them. Because I'm too chicken I wish I could get someone to take me out because I know as long as I breathe I will forever wish and want a relationship most importantly with okay but also with Deborah's but I've shown and I'm not worthy of those two. Hey look at me a master working part time 20 hours a week at 14 dollars. Who am I trying to kid I'm not worthy of either two okay called me pathetic and he's right. I would do anything anything to be with him I would give up my cap I'll put his collar on my neck I meant one day with him. I'm such a horrible man that okay want nothing to do with me. I would kill myself but that would hurt okay more than is solved my problems. He told me that I made him feel unworthy when the truth is I was Unworthy of him. Without ukai I'm nobody and nobody. Hopefully okay we'll find a better man than I could ever dream of being. The best I can do for ukai is to give him my health insurance as I am a homeless fucking bum.. the thing I thought I was Worthy of okay when at the end of the day he was always more Worthy and better than me.

You know I've been in Arizona for 2 years. The first year was with tempers the second year was with ukai. I wish there was somebody was willing to remove me from this Earth so that temperance and okay we free from my failure