I wasn't able to get a day labor job today. I have a quarter tank of gas, 1 quart of oil, and 1 dollar to my name.
Homeless and unemployed. not enough gas to get anywhere to get food for the day.
Surprisingly... I am not depressed nor in dispair. Since I have embraced witchcraft and the way of magick I have had no thoughts of self harm while my situation hasn't changed.
Now instead of being a homeless, unemployed Jewish Queer Cis Gay Man... I am a Homeless, Unemployed, Jewish, Queer, Cis Gay male witch...
I still miss my husband Dylan, a Transmale witch. I hope and pray that his life is successful and that he is prosperous. I hope that one day he will forgive me for my emotional shortcomings.
I still miss Merrick, my former lover before Dylan, who i know is happily living his life with Phil. I wish both of them Happiness and success.
I am just reaching out to the universe... asking for help... to help me find a job and a place to lay my head and some food to sustain myself.
I am at a loss. I loved all my last partners from Dylan, Phil, Merrick, Lilith to Lynx. I never physically abused them. I know that emotionally I failed. Ir wasn't because I was indifferent it was because I was struggling inside from fear of inadequacy.
I am sorry that I failed all of you. Is this my punishment?
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